Theres Something On My Mind

Mississippi. Filled with historical complex - rich in our nation's history of racial and economic context. Me. Filled with such personal complex - rich in my family's diverse context.

As I prepare to spend the next 10 weeks in Mississippi, it is important that I begin to document my personal and professional experiences. It was this time last year that I found out about the opportunity to go to Mississippi. As an applicant to the National Community Scholars program, we were asked to rank our top 3 choices (Appalachian Mountains, San Francisco, and Mississippi). Mississippi, my first choice, held so much opportunity to connect with history - music, food, and civil struggle. My years of trying to understand the history and impact of slavery on modern day relations, and how the state maintains some of the same pre-civil rights movement perceptions was most intriguing. Education, poverty, rurality, and the school-to-prison pipeline impact the state, and black children (my children) are disproportionately affected. But it is important to remember that this state is largely impoverished - all children are historically and currently effected. Knowingly, I am eager to embrace and understand Mississippi - most importantly I am determined to build the capacity of children of Mississippi.

In preparation to enter Jackson and Cleveland Mississippi, I am critically thinking about my own privilege and diversity and how this may effect how I engage within these communities. I am of multi-ethnic decent, and most often folks believe that I am half white and black. In actuality, my mother is half Irish and Bajan (Barbados) and my father is African-American with Native and Creole decent. My mother, raised by parents other than her biological family, grew up in a predominantly black household and environment. Growing up, I always had trouble negotiating my identity, but I have grown to embrace my position as a black, woman. As I begin to bridge communication and work across racial lines, it is important that I recognize how others perceive me. Not only as an outsider from California, and higher ed, but as a young woman of color. Recognizing, owning, and building off of this difference may be my greatest challenge. My dedication exceeds these variables, this work is far beyond me.

My light complexion, my education - my privilege I carry on my shoulders. My liberal upbringing, my desire for equality - my hopes to shed light on opportunity. My thoughts my mind - my passion my drive. Shed light on my blu's, im prepared to be used.

There's something on your mind
By the way you look at me
There's something on your mind, baby
By the way you look at me
And what you're thinking brings happiness
Oh and it brings misery
Please, please, don't try to tell me
I think, I, I understand
No, no, don't try to tell me, baby
'Cause I think, I, I understand
You want me to try and forget you
Well, I'll do
Baby, I'll do the best I can
You know it hurts you when you're in love with someone and you know that someone don't love you. It carries a heavy burden on your heart to know that the someone that you're in love with is in love with your best friend. And I'll tell you, when someone else is rocking you, rocking your cradle, you know, better than you can rock your cradle yourself, then there's only one thing for you to do. You just pack your clothes, turn around, and slowly walk out of the door. Look over your left shoulder as you go out, then you hang your head and you say:
Oh please don't try to tell me
Uh huh, I think, I understand
No, no, no, no
Please don't try to tell me
Because you think, you think I understand
Oh you want me to try
To try to forget you, baby
And I'll tell you, I'll do the best I can
You know after you have done all you could do and you can't take no more, then you go downtown, you get your big baseball bat and you come back on the scene where they both are still together, and then you just go and kick down the door. Now as you kick down the door you just start beating the hell of everybody that you can see, everybody that comes through the door, and just as you make up your mind that you're gonna try to forgive her, then out comes another one of your friends, and that really blows your mind. So you go and think about, you say to yourself, baby, I realize I've done wrong but please forgive me. And with a smirky smile on her face then she look up at you and she say.
If you ever think about me
(Oh I think about you, baby)
If you ever charge your mind
(Oh you're staying on my mind, baby)
If you ever think about me
(Oh I think, I think about you all the time)
And if I ever cross your mind
(You stay on my mind)
Well, you know, you know
You know I'm yours
And I know, I know you got to be mine
(Yeah)
There's something on your mind, B.
I can tell by the way you look at me
(Oh there's something, on my mind, Miss James)
There's something on your mind
(Oh can you tell, there's something on my mind)
By the way you look at me
(Oh the way I look at you, you look good to me)
And what you're thinking brings happiness
(Yes, baby)
Oh and it can bring misery
(Yes, all right)
- BB King & Etta James